Father-Child Relationship After Divorce: Why 58% of Divorced Dads Say It Improved
Updated: Oct 21
Among 179 fathers in my QoL-SALAD survey who had been separated for at least a year, about 58% said their relationship with their kids improved. About 21% said it worsened, and 21% reported no change or were unsure. These are fathers’ reports about their own relationships. The study does not compare single dads with married dads or predict your custody outcome.
For the complete data (including the 179-father subgroup and what separated dads whose relationships improved from those whose relationships worsened) read How Will Divorce Affect My Relationship With My Kids?. Life has a strange way of giving an opportunity when you least expect it. Being a single dad can give you room to build your own relationship with your kids. In this survey subgroup, more fathers reported improvement than deterioration.
A father's biggest concern is the time with their kids. You go from having them daily only to see them half the time or less.
As a divorce and recovery coach, I can give you countless examples of how and why your bond with your kids strengthens, especially if your ex is a helicopter mom. When your kids are with you, they’re truly with you, and you make the decisions. Your ex, she's only getting in the way. And because it’s your time, you get to parent on your terms, your way, your values and as a single man you have more of an opportunity to keep things real: Yes, you can and should include them in your dating life - You're still their dad so be careful but you should.
I conducted a study analyzing the impact of divorce on father-child relationships. Men who had been separated for over a year had a stronger relationship with their kids by a large margin but the difference isn't exactly why you may think.
In this subgroup, 58% reported an improved relationship, 21% reported a worse relationship, and 21% reported no change or uncertainty. These percentages describe the men who answered. They are not personal odds for every divorced father. For dads who, like me, thought their relationship with their kids was already great and couldn’t possibly improve, here’s the best part: not only can it improve, but you’re likely in the group that stands to gain the most.
The survey also compared how men felt about the divorce with how they described their relationship with their kids. Men struggling more with the separation reported worse father-child relationships more often. This is an association. The survey cannot tell us which came first or whether another factor affected both.
More than half of them reported that the father child bond got worse (56%) while a mere 23% said it got better. The survey does not establish why those relationships worsened. In coaching, I look at how the divorce is affecting the way a man shows up for his kids and what he can work on next.
So where did these "successful" dads come from? For those dads that managed to move on, who didn’t let the divorce define them, it was a completely different story. In that group, 15% reported that their relationship with their kids worsened. The survey does not establish what caused those outcomes. 71% said their relationship either improved or significantly improved. That’s a massive difference. You want to do something for your kids, take care of yourself first and foremost.
What’s the moral of the story? Whoever handles the divorce best, wins. As a divorce coach, I have to keep it honest with my clients. It doesn’t matter if your ex cheated. It doesn’t matter if the legal system is rigged against you. It doesn't matter if you're hurting and in fact, it makes things worse. If you let the pain and anger take over, you lose. Period. And the fallout doesn’t just stop with you—it affects your kids, too. Think of how many times you saw your dad cry. Maybe once, twice or a few times. They talk about it and frankly, what they need more than anything now is normalcy.
I'm not saying to pretend you’re fine or bottling it all up. It’s about facing the pain head-on and doing the work to get through it. Therapy, coaching, leaning on a group of men who’ve been where you are—whatever it takes, don’t go through this alone. You can learn more about our services by clicking here. The site addresses common myths about divorce, strategy and services. You need a coach, just don't know it. Book a 90-120 minute Divorce Strategy Session,
If you’re sitting there wondering how the fuck you get through this, take a deep breath. The crazy part is that you have more choices than you really know. You can let this break you, or you can use it as the turning point to rebuild your life, and your relationship with your kids.
Of the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with, including those facing criminal charges like domestic violence, I’ve yet to see a single father who didn’t secure the custody he was fighting for. The difference? Preparation and outside the box thinking. I won’t let you be the exception.
You need a strategy, not hope. Your attorney won’t prepare you because, it’s not in their best interest. I will because, while you’re debating your next move, your ex is already years ahead of you.
Hiring me isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity and while attorneys hate me, the court system loves me because I cut the fat. If you don’t take this seriously now, you’ll be the one paying for it later in legal fees, lost custody, and emotional exhaustion.
So stop waiting. Catch up. Get the strategy you need before it’s too late. Your kids are watching how you handle this. They don’t need a perfect dad; they need a dad who shows up and dares to think about what’s possible instead of dwelling on what’s already gone.
If you’re serious about protecting your relationship with your kids, stop trying to figure it out. You have too much to lose. Book a 90-120 minute Divorce Strategy Session. We will examine your situation, identify the decisions that need your immediate attention and build a clear plan for what comes next. The session is $350 and you'll come out with a clean answer and I do continuous follow up with you. Click here to schedule your Divorce Strategy Session. I tell you what, if you're not satisfied, just tell me within 24 hours after our talk and you'll get your money back. Deal?
Any questions? Text me at 562.644.4425 and I usually respond within 1 hour.
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