Can You Be Single Without Divorce Papers Signed-Are you Suffering from Symbolic Spouse Syndrome

Symbolic Spouse Syndrome

There’s a syndrome I’m coining called Symbolic Spouse Syndrome. It’s when one spouse refuses to let go. They’re still acting like they’re married just because there’s a legal document saying so, even though the other spouse has completely checked out.

"She's Still My Wife"

I’m bringing this up because I hear it from guys all the time: “She's Still My Wife.”  But that’s bullshit! You mean you're still married. She on the other hand checked out. In other words, the only one married is her husband: You. I've heard it. The marriage doesn't die when the decree get's signed. It was dying when she was checking out and died when she told you she was done. Everything after that is just you clinging to a role you don’t actually have anymore.

The American Revolution Analogy

That's where the American revolution comes in because Symbolic Spouse Syndrome is like the British insisting they still ruled America after July 4th. The Declaration of Independence wasn’t paperwork that ended the war. It was the moment everything changed. It was the colonies standing up and saying, “We’re done with this shit.”

When your wife says “she wants a divorce,”  that’s July 4th. That’s the Declaration. That’s the symbolic collapse of the marriage. It’s over in spirit, even if you’re still sleeping in the same house, even if the paperwork isn’t filed yet. Pretending you’re going to talk is like the British negotiating after July 4th. July 3rd? Maybe but by the 4th, all the festering resentment blew up. “Working on it” when she’s done is like the British government pretending they still ran the colonies while the revolution was raging.

The "Braindead Marriage"

The truth is, everything after that declaration is a braindead marriage. The body is twitching, but the soul is gone. You’re not “investing in saving it.” You’re propping up a corpse because you can’t face reality.

What to Fight For

Stop fighting for the old marriage. Fight for yourself. For your kids. For your future. Your money. Celebrate your freedom also. Because just like the British eventually had to negotiate at Yorktown and sign the Treaty of Paris, you’re going to end up signing a divorce decree. The difference is whether you arrive there prepared and strategic, or broken and bankrupt because you refused to see an actual independence.

Historians argue that the Brits suffered in the short term. But they also argue the British benefited long term. The Americans helped contribute to the collapse of France (a long time thorn of the British). Eventually the British became an even more powerful global empire.

The Plot Twist

I know this isn’t the ending you envisioned. We all pictured our lives as a complete book: a story that ends with you together as a loving family. This has you feeling cheated and short changed.

That’s the real reason you’re fighting so vigorously. Because instead of writing the book. You’re forced to accept that you weren't the only author you weren't even lead author but co-author instead who got sidelined with a different plot, and the end the protagonist: you. Now you're a chapter you didn’t want. A chapter you didn’t choose. An author you didn't know was writing it. This feels like failure because you wanted your book to end with both of you side by side rather than be a character in someone else's chapter - a chapter, not even an conclusion.

Now you’re staring at a story that ends differently. That’s what makes this so hard to let go. You were writing a book with an ending in mind, not a chapter in mind.

May 29th was my independence. I fought it, but July 6th 2017 I accepted. Freeing me to pivot, do what I love the most: Coach. I grew and developed and although I'd never thank my ex, I'm glad she left.

Your Independence

What about you? Tell me. When was your independence and what do you hope the history books write about it? Fight Symbolic Spouse Syndrome and happy independence. Finish Your Chapter and if you need help. Schedule a time to talk.